A Poem to Dad

I was scared he would be worse than what he already shows me.

I've made mistakes but none that would a make someone act as he does.

So what if I talked to people online? That doesnt mean,

you go about threatening to kill me.

What did I do 9^th grade? I only went to the homecoming game !

And I was still inside school boundaries.

Why did you take your 3 foot kirpan out and put it to my neck?

This is the year you started coming to me at night for your pleasures....

Oh so in 10^th grade I had AP essays to complete for class

I was up until 3 AM, so I decided to take a few minutes to browse

I didnt know you were hiding behind the wall ready to come out right when I did that.

Only to then make me show you every page I went on and then accused me of lying.

Why did you hit me with the 'Madani'? I went to school the next day with bruises....

all over my arms, and my back, I saved my face from you.

I thought you would stop, but you still kept coming to me at night....

So what happened in 11^th? I was fixing something on the computer

I allowed my friend to hack the computer so he could fix it.

You come in accuse me of talking to guys, and next thing you know

my dastaar is on the other side of the room, my kesh are in your hand,

while ur pulling me by them to the other side of the room.

You did it 3 times, the next morning where it took me 10 minutes for my dastaar

it took me a whole hour.

But it didnt take you a day to forgive me for that, because the next night you were in my bed again....

In 12^th I didnt do anything but you came to my room at nights to turn on the lights and just shout.

You would shout at me so much, hours would pass by, and then

it would only be an hour left to wake up for school again.

Somedays you would slap me, and since I would be by the wall my head would slam the wall after you did that.

Then there were times when you took the burning iron and brought it close to my face and threatened to burn me.

I thought you would stop at some point but you kept going....

even you coming to my bed never stopped...

You never cared for me, instead you made my life miserable every part of the way.

You then complained about my grades, you complained about my weight.

You always said it would have been better if I had died being born.

Dad, You now know why I ran away from home after highschool.

You were never going to stop.

sexist? or just plain Indian mentality?

So a few might know that I live alone, away from my parents and it's been almost a year now. For the youth it's like omg that's so awesome I wish my parents would let me do that! Truth is that they didn't lol... I just left without saying a word. Of course now after listening to that everyone might be like *gasp* how did you do that? don't you respect your parents enough to know how they feel about you leaving? do they call you to come back? how are you living alone? and then the main line I hear all the time, 'if you need anything just let me know'. At first during the few months those words meant alot like yes I will because at the moment I do, but then they just kept coming from every side of the picture. Every auntie or uncle or person I met just kept satin the same thing. I know its meant for helping me out of my situation but truth is when it comes to helping you can only do so much.
Just yesterday evening I was coming home from work on the bus and this auntie comes by and starts talking to me. Of course the auntie will ask how my parents are, and I just looked away saying yeah their doing ok, she noticed my way of saying it and asks are they here or in India? to that I answered their here but live 6 hours away. To which she replied it's hard for a girl to live away from her family.... to which in my head I'm saying 'OH NO YOU DIDN'T!', because seriously that's what I hear from everyone. It's like when a guy goes an lives alone and works and goes to college it's perfectly ok but when it comes to a girl it's looked down upon, Why?
It's like if a girl does, the parents are trying so hard to somehow get her married as soon as possible. Like why?? Yea I can understand where they all come from that the girl can't stand up for herself, while a guy can, an it's always risky, but it's not like no girl in the world has ever lived alone?? There are single mothers and girls living alone all across the world! Why is there such a problem...
I know I might be over reacting to alot right now but the whole concept currently does not make any sense to me, hopefully it will in the future when I have my own family and kids and daughters when I will understand that, but at the moment no.